By RAN ZHAO
August 29, 2017
“I’ll befriend a pack of Hungarian Horntails and name them all “Horcrux”, just in case Harry decides to yell “ACCIO HORCRUX!”. “
Here are a few things I would make my horcruxes if I was Voldemort:
Harry will have to kill me to kill me, but he can’t because he has to kill me first, but to do that, he has to kill me, but he can’t unless he kills me by killing me by killing me by killing me.(Though this is the equivalent of putting my own soul in me, I will just assume it works)
(And the rest are just for amusement as I watch him running around trying to break stuff)
A Random Person’s Tooth
Seven billion people, each with about 32 teeth, who each hate going to the dentist. That will be a challenge to find.
A Cup of Water
Including the cup, and all of the micro-organisms that might be in it. I will dump the water in the sea, wash the glass, and ship it to be used in the Pentagon or something.
A Hair on Crookshanks That’s About to Fall Off
Harry will have to give Crookshanks a haircut/fur-cut/whatever you call it (and we all know this is impossible) before realizing that the hair is probably somewhere in a garbage truck, being carried away after someone swept the floor.
One Grain of Sand
Another Grain of Sand
The same rock 200 years ago(with a time-turner): If he destroys this one, he can’t destroy the other one, because it doesn’t exist anymore, which means I couldn’t have put it there, which means he couldn’t have found it, which means it was still there, which means the same thing that I wrote about will happen again, forever and ever, and I will amuse myself by sitting next to Harry and watching as he repeatedly dis-apparates a rock forever.
I’ll probably be affected by the time-turner too, but I won’t care, because it’s fun. Plus, he’ll have to turn the time-turner 1752000 times to get to 200 years ago, since each turn is only one hour.(24*365*200)
A Ceramic Pillow From the British Museum (just for laughs)
Wizards are not allowed to use magic in the presence of muggles, so Harry will have to charge in, smash the display cases open and throw the pillows in a fire in the middle of the night. Security cameras will pick him up, and if he uses invisibility, conspiracy theories will arise.
A Slice of Toast
It’s so easy that Harry will send it to the Department of Mysteries to detect for traps, and they’ll perform advanced tests but end up with nothing. It will be mailed back to Harry in a double-sealed titanium box that’s enchanted with hexes, and he will plop it on the table and stare at it, wondering how it was so easy. I will set up a lovely red and white folding chair to watch him. There won’t be any loss if he decides to eat it, since my first horcrux is undefeatable. I wonder if he’ll become a horcrux by eating it.
I will cast everything with that anti-accio charm that Voldemort used to stop Harry summoning his locket.
I’ll befriend a pack of Hungarian Horntails and name them all “Horcrux”, just in case Harry decides to yell “ACCIO HORCRUX!”.
I’ll also cast each horcrux with a spell that prevents people from sensing it, if those exist.
And that is why I would make a terrible Dark Lord.
GOOD LUCK, ‘ARRY!!!