By ROHIT MALSHE
September 1, 2017
“I have always wondered: What is it that makes me happy?”
I have always wondered: What is it that makes me happy?
Is it good times spent with friends? Is it my performance at work? Is it self awareness? What is it?
I created a simple mind map, and started splitting a few things randomly, then I structured them a little and created a framework.
Here is how things happen:
- You always have a rough belief system in your mind. Your beliefs can be weak or strong. Sometimes, very strong.
- You might believe in yourself, or in things told by others, or you might believe in someone else.
- In the same way, you can have acquired skills, and you can split your skills as: what you can do, vs what you are expected to do.
The framework is, that everything in our lives can be split into three ways:
- What you think, believe, have, can get, etc.
- What others think, believe, have, can get about you or themselves.
- What the reality is or where it can go in time if efforts are put towards improvement.
- Also note, that everything affects everything else. For example, the more skills you have, the stronger your beliefs in something can be. The stronger your beliefs are, the more others might believe in you. The more others believe in you, the more they can help you out. The more they help you, the better your results can look and so on.
- Each and everything that affects one another can take a positive or a negative trend over time.
- When we put effort into something, we get some results. Again, everything is affected: [Beliefs, attitudes, results, skills, results…] everything!
Here is what happiness is: Happiness is simply an inverse of a summation of all the deltas you can put together.
Lets think about it with a few examples (they are made up, but I have felt and experienced them):
- When I did something great, I wasn’t expecting a prize, but my boss gave me one: I got happy!
- When I did something great, but no one thanked me. I felt tiredness and depression.
- When I believed in something that was true, but others didn’t it made me anxious. Then I put more effort to show others what I believed in and why. They saw a clearer picture and got convinced – I got happy.
- When my boss asked me to do a task, and I could not do it the way he expected – he got angry, and I got depressed.
- When my boss asked me to train someone. I trained them exceeding expectations – they got happy, my boss got happy, so I got happy!
This extends to personal life, not just professional life:
- I made a sandwich for my friend. He was not even expecting one. He got happy, so I got happy.
- My friend invited me to his party, but I was late. He got anxious, so I got anxious.
- I wasn’t anticipating my friends to visit, but they visited me during my vacation – they got happy, I got happy.
This extends to anticipation on just about anything:
In every incident like those – there is a clear delta between a [belief, perception, attitude, skill, results…] and the reality.
The lower this gap, the higher the happiness. So happiness must be an inverse of what you [expect, believe, have skills for, attitude for, make others believe in…] MINUS [What the reality is].
Now! What must you do?
Put well defined efforts that reduce some delta somewhere:
Usually the efforts would have to change something. The change could very well be within you. In fact, if you think deeply, the change is within you. It is in your thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, actions.
- Increase your skills so that you can achieve what you believe in and what others believe in.
- Put efforts towards extending gestures that others expect out of you. Make them feel good. Make them believe in you.
- Make a reality check constantly to figure out where you stand vs where others think you stand.
- Learn how to convince others so that they believe in you.
- Learn to lead others to a common cause.
- Help others reduce their deltas. They are happier – you are happier.
- Hope the best from others, but don’t make expectations.
- Give your best to others, and constantly try to exceed expectations.
When you repeat such experiences too many times, you might know what you have to never be anxious, never stressed out, and always be happy.
A Tedx Talk talks about this in case some of the readers want to hear about it. I borrowed the idea of Monalisa pictures from this talk.
Stay blessed and stay inspired!
Rohit Malshe is a Chemical Engineer, Programmer, Author, Thinker, Engineer at Intel Corporation