By SARAH HAKIM
August 1, 2017
“I didn’t understand why wanting to feel someone’s hair would be offensive. Couldn’t a person just be curious and want to know more about what they do not know?”
I never understood the discrimination black people endure, though, I, myself am a black woman.
These statements may seem contradictory, but truly they aren’t.
This is because the discrimination that black people face is often hidden. It manifests itself in objectification, sly comments, and requests to touch a person’s hair.
As a child, I didn’t understand why any of these actions would be considered offensive, let alone racist. In fact, I fear I may have done some of these things to other black people in the past without understanding their implications.
I didn’t understand why wanting to feel someone’s hair would be offensive. Couldn’t a person just be curious and want to know more about what they do not know?
What didn’t dawn on me until later was that asking to feel a person’s hair creates a spectacle out of something that is supposed to be completely natural to them. It makes them feel uncomfortable and singled out by something that should really be commonplace. The very thing that grows from their head, just like everyone else, shouldn’t be a source of controversy, unease, or embarrassment.
So if you’re black, and a person of another ethnicity asks to feel your hair, or says your skin tone is so “interesting” or asks why you speak like you’re white (my personal favorite), try your best to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Not having grown up in a “traditionally black” household I simply was not exposed to these truths earlier on. Not having had the same hair texture or the same stereotypical big lips or flat nose–features that are often associated with being traditionally black, I did not experience anything that felt offensive.
However, when I interacted with other black people I started to realize a whole realm of pain and insecurity I was sheltered from. I was surprised to learn just how often these issues came up in their lives and how agitated they became because of them; as they rightfully should be.
My experiences with this misunderstanding make me question if this is how people of other races or ethnicities may see black people.
People may not understand the struggles black people face or how they feel spectacled. They may act on impulse and say or do something without considering how it can be offensive, simply because they think in a different way. Not having been exposed to these experiences, or sometimes not having been exposed to black people at all, they simply don’t understand the impact their actions can have.
So if you’re black, and a person of another ethnicity asks to feel your hair, or says your skin tone is so “interesting” or asks why you speak like you’re white (my personal favorite), try your best to give them the benefit of the doubt.
You may feel they’re being rude and narrow-minded, but instead of lashing out at them for it, try to open their minds instead. The only way to change this troubling behavior is to teach people why it’s troubling in the first place. Bridges of understanding take time and patience, but once they are created, unity and empathy are present in infinite compounds.
And if you aren’t someone who’s either knowledgeable about these issues or has experienced these microaggressions first hand, remember to be open to learning about it. Try talking to someone who knows more about this than you do; there’s absolutely no shame in admitting you aren’t completely informed, but there is shame in not trying to understand and in continuing to do an offensive behavior while knowing the implications they may have–even if you don’t entirely understand them.
In order to combat these obstacles, it is important for us to open up the narrative between people of different backgrounds.
There are so many different kinds of people in the world that we often tend to drown each other out; but if we learned to sometimes remain silent and listen to another’s perspective, the things we could learn are endless–and their effects infinite.
